Simple Kindness

Is pretty self explanatory. Seems easy and something that would come naturally. News Flash everyone, it doesn’t come as naturally as we think it should. 100% easier said than it is done. Should we constantly feel the need to put people down in ways that hurt the most? It’s not what God intended for us to do. We should treat others just like we want to be treated….that’s a saying that goes back into elementary school. It’s one of the ‘golden rules’ right? I have always remembered it, and I’m sure I always will. One day I hope to instill it into my children’s minds.  The whole point of this post is to have you take a look and look at what happens daily. Do you constantly point and laugh at people behind their backs? Do you laugh because someone is overweight and can’t help themselves to that tasty burger from McDonalds? Do you laugh because you can’t help yourself and it just makes you feel that much better about yourself than it did 30 seconds before you said it? No, probably not. I try SO hard every day not to judge, but it’s hard. I’m not gonna lie ya’ll. But think about it-if one person starts by not judging, we can eventually move into a world where judging is almost obsolete. Do we see people walking around laughing and judging us because we’re infertile? No-they just don’t do i. I used to be so naive, but until I found out the hurtful truth about myself, I have realized that even though someone may look completely normal on the outside, there can always be something on the inside that we can’t see.. So what makes it okay to judge others on their physical appearance.

I struggle with my weight, but that’s from PCOS. I don’t remember the last time I felt ‘comfortable’ in my skin-maybe…oh wait. Never. I was always very tall growing up and I still am. But I was tall and my jeans were always high waters, and I always felt uncomfortable. Then, when all my friends were getting their periods in 5th and 6th grade….9th grade couldn’t have come at a better time. I didn’t get AF till I was 15, almost 16. Thanks again, PCOS. Senior high-I had HORRIBLE acne. Though, it was under control thanks to modern medicine and a tortuous face washing routine. I was 120 lbs in high school; I am 5 foot 10/11. I told you I was tall…lol. At that point, I always wore sweatshirts, and never wore shirts that showed my body. I was uncomfortable-again. When I started dating my husband (November 2004) I started coming out of my shell. I wore tank tops that showed off my body, and I was getting attention that I never got before. I was starting to open up. I liked it. My husband’s friends were jealous of him and I felt that I looked good. That was until 2007 rolled around….I started gaining weight left and right-It was a bad scene. My face got more round, and so did my stomach. But, my husband stayed with me. Not once did he not think I was ‘perfect’. But seriously, no one is perfect. We all suffer from a disease called perfection. I stumbled across a blog of a single father who is raising his boys. He wrote this, and I’ve always had it in the back of my mind. Take a good look-and when he says read it to the bottom. Do it.

Sorry I rambled, but I wanted to make a point-even though we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t need to bash others to make up for the feelings we have.

Insert title here…

I don’t really have too much to say. I honestly don’t know what to say….I’m upset because so far this cycle has been a bust. I have had nothing that indicates I’m ovulating, no cramps indication AF is going to show. All that I’ve gotten is more angry at myself for not being able to get pregnant. It sucks. I can see it in hubs face too when we talk about it. He feels like he should be able to help more than he is, but really there isn’t anything he can do. It just makes me upset that I can’t provide the family for him that he has wanted. Like I said here, I think God does really have a plan for us. Whether or not that plan is to have a baby is beyond me. I hate sounding so negative, because I know I haven’t tried everything is the world to achieve pregnancy, but I’ve done what we can afford. Granted we can afford IUI’s but right now isn’t the best time for us to do that-I can’t take off too much of work until after the new years, and it just bothers me. I’m sort of feeling…let’s go with left out. Partially because 2 of the blogs that I read got miracle BFP’s. One, her and her husband both suffer from infertility issues and were planning their FET in January-the other has been trying for so long! I feel like I’m the only one left. Don’t get me wrong, AT ALL. I’m SO HAPPY for Hannah and Mrs. Joe, that I can’t even believe it! I love seeing those BFP’s, just wish it was mine. I can’t wait to see these guys start their lives as pregnant and enjoy the updates. I really am.

With that being said-I think I’m going to be silent for a while. I need to really focus on my life. On my husband and family. I need to remember that God did give me them, and they’re what’s most important. I think we’re going to skip next cycle, and not use the Clomid too. Who know’s maybe I’ll get my miracle BFP too! So, sorry if I’m MIA for a while-I’m sure it wont be for too long, but I’ll see what makes me feel best.

Life.

I really am beginning to realize that God does have a plan for us. However, I feel he has a rough draft for us and hasn’t quite published our story yet. Each day brings new things, and with those new things come more opportunities. Everyone likes those, right? Well, hubs has been battling trying to find a decent job since his the company he worked for shut down. It was hard at first, but he found jobs that paid well, but didn’t necessarily give him room for advancement, and he didn’t really like them either. They were just a stepping stone to get him on his feet again. He’s a blue-collar guy at heart, and that’s the way he’ll always be. That’s obviously fine with me, I married him for him-not his job! Well, he was offered a job as a truck driver. Working for a really great company about 20 minutes from where we live. This was an opportunity I didn’t want him to pass up, but didn’t want him to take if he didn’t want to. The problem is, he may have to be gone a few nights out of the week. Yikes. What if he’s gone when we need to get down to business? It will screw things up. That’s exactly what I thought when he told me that. It just made me realize that maybe this chapter is where we save up more money and pay off more debt!? I think that would be awesome, however I want my husband at home Oh well, maybe with him doing this, I’ll be able to quit my FT job and get something more part-time at a Vet clinic. (for those of you who are new, I’m going to Vet Tech School). Maybe there will be less stress, and I’ll be able to focus on myself, and lose some more weight! I will be able to spend more time with my babies puppies and maybe more time with friends. Who knows! All I know is that I appreciate all that hubs has done for me in these last 6 years we’ve been with each other. I love him now more than I ever have. He want’s nothing more than to be able to support a family, and this job will give him that opportunity. Thank God. He sent me a text today, and it made me smile. The words that I read were music to my ears. I love that man so much!

Hubs: I dont feel stressed
Me: about what?
Hubs: life i feel relaxed
Me: Well that’s good, as long as you’re happy I’m happy!

Kelsey

Awesome!

4 little men and girly twins.  Have you heard of them!? Well shame on you. Brittany is amazing. Check out her current giveaway!  I would totally love to win this, however, there are soooo many people that want to win, my chances are slim 2 none! Yikes. Anyways, thought I’d higher my chances by blogging about it

December:IcomLeavWe

I haven’t participated in this since uhh the end of last year. I did it once, and got lazy, because I felt weird about it. But I’ve seem many different people connect from it, so hey I’m gonna give it a chance.

I’m 21 and hubs is 23. We got married August of 2009, and have been trying for a baby since January of 2009 (when we got engaged). Our families don’t have the slightest clue we TTC, so the blog is my only outlet. I have been diagnosed with PCOS, the dreaded anovulation, long period, no period syndrome. It sucks royally. It isn’t fun, and I hate it. I wouldn’t wish it upon ANYONE. Anyways, I’m sure you already know about it. You’re on a TTC blog, and I’m sure you’ve read other ones.. So.

I’m genetically prone to wanting a baby. It’s in my genes-either way, we’re going to have one. I promise. It’s just going to take us a little time, sorta like Thomas the train…’ I think I we can…’ I hate saying I, because hubs is apart of this journey, too-thus ’we’ will be said a lot. He struggles too,  ya know. He just doesn’t show it as openly as I do. He’s a guy, whatta ya gonna expect from him?

Okay, so I started metformin in February of 2010. I lost like 20 pounds, and love the medicine. I mean, when you have PCOS losing 20 pounds openly isn’t an easy feat, lemme tell ya. Well, after being on it so long, I seriously got sick from it. I couldn’t handle it-so I took a self diagnosed break from it. Probably a bad idea. I gained that weight back. I’m back up to what was when I started. I’m not super overweight, but I’m on the verge. I can still have a healthy pregnancy. After a long 40 some day cycle last month, I started Provera to induce my period, and I started Clomid. Yikes. When they say the side effects are crazy, they mean it. I was an emotional mess. Anywho- I’m sitting on CD14 today, and I haven’t ovulated  yet. I’m hoping that bumping up to 100mg will work next cycle. Here’s to everyone getting out BFP’s sooner than later!!

Kelsey

Say it ain’t so.

Well, today marks day numero deux of the world of word press. So far, I think I’m liking it. You can do so much more with it- and it actually feel slike a website to me. I’ve decided that I’m going to open myself up to the blogging world. I’m on the internet for support, why block that support? If people find me, then they find me. It’s their choice to share it with other people, but if they chose not to, then they do. I’m a strong person, and can take what ever shit comes my way. Just be ready to hear about everything now. Kapeeche? Kapeeche.

Anyways, on the TTC front- it’s still happening, but we can’t really do much to speed up the days. Currently I’m sitting on CD 14, no signs of ovulation. I was expecting that, but I was sort of hoping that it would work anyways. Oh well, what can ya do. I’m approaching a new angle in life-I’m trying to accept myself for who I am; sounds crazy right? Right. I am taking time to tell my husband I love him for him, not just for his ‘junk’ and his sperm. He appreciates it, and it brings us closer. Let me tell ya, the 5 days that I was on Clomid, man was I a freaking mess. I cried over EVERYTHING. I’m not kidding. and most of the time I wasn’t even upset-damn hormones. I’m thankful for the drug, but jeeze-we’re already hormonal messes as we’re TTC, why make it worse! Oy. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do. I’m going to try my hardest to make this as interesting as possible for you guys! I love when people comment and read my published rambles.

Just keep in mind that I’m still learning this crazy site, and I’ll have it up and finally running by Friday

I’ve travelled to the world of WP!

Traveled, travelled, I simply don’t know. I think they should have a spell check on these things. OH Wait..I just found it. Give me a break guys, I’m new here.  

I decided after going private on my blogspot blog, which I didn’t really like at all (going private that is). One bit. I needed my readers just as much as they needed me, I think. Ironic, eh? But I wasn’t about the creepy people stalking me and I did some ‘reasearch’ and found that I can do these things called Private Blog Posts-awesome. So the wordpress blog was born. Don’t worry-it’ll be fun, I promise! Until I get things organize over on this end of town, both of the blogs will be public, and the old one will have a temporary  link to this one!  Oh well, Happy day. I’ve also decided that I’m going to make this a blog about life, not just TTC. As much as it has taken over my life, I don’t feel the need to constantly be in a deep state of depressed thoughts, so there will  be some sort of happy posts, promise!

Kelsey!